My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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