Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
