Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
40s are totally the cure
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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