He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
