Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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