capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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