Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
