you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
