i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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