wake up i wanna do it froggy style
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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