You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
