Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
