yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Still dying that you shit outside
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
