Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
COCAINE IS GR8
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
