You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
