Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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