Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Drake has all the answers
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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