i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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