i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You're completely useless in the revolution.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
