My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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