There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
