what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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