Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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