I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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