I hate all girls vehemently.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
