I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
