you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
