I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
this is an emotional support booty call
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
