you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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