I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
