it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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