You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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