how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
