She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
