She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
