Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
