Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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