Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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