We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
