dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
