I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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