He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
