i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
