oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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