do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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