I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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