all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
