I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
