it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm sobbing to NWA
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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