if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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