When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
