no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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