You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
