i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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