they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
