I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize