I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
