Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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