Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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