I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
