Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
