I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
