at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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