My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
