Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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