were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
