george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
