You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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