Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
