I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
