Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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