I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
