I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
