I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
